When people come to treatment or engage in some sort of addictions counselling, they sometimes feel a pressure to not have any urges to use.  Some people actually don’t have urges once they seek help but most do.  The ability to discuss this has not always been open.  I’ve watched many clients behave in ways and say certain things that show they are still ambivalent and think about either using or the culture of using.  But they don’t express what they are truly feeling because they want to be socially accepted; or they want to deny to even themselves that these feelings creep around underneath the surface.  There becomes a stigma in treatment that one should not have feelings or thoughts about using because why on earth would they be in treatment if they wanted to use.  This is all unsaid and gets reinforced even by practitioners that subconsciously feel like failures if their clients still want to use.  Much of this is due to a long time of poor knowledge of addiction, as well as, extreme judgment of addiction.

It needs to be more accepted that changing takes time.  Most people have either thoughts or dreams of using soon after they stop or enter treatment.  There is nothing “wrong” with this.  It might be disconcerting to those who just want it all to go away but it is also very normal.  Intense desires such as those that fuel the process of addiction are not shed overnight.   The other drawback to this unsaid phenomenon is that substance abusers trying to quit start to feel like failures when they have cravings and urges!  How debilitating!  You are not failing or bad at recovery if you have urges to use, even intense thoughts.  You are also not failing recovery if you lapse or relapse.  What? How so?  You do not have to go back to ground zero if you relapse.  You just need to turn around and observe what you just tripped on then keep on going.  Brush yourself off.  You do not have to delve deeper into a full-blown relapse or beat yourself up.  Natural feelings of guilt will arise as your behavior is going against your values of wanting to quit, but it does not have to carry deeper into shame.  Shame is feeling bad about yourself while guilt is feeling bad about your behavior.  Therefore, just having dreams, thoughts, and cravings to use does not mean you are doing recovery wrong.  It means you are a normal person trying to quit something that has had strong chemical and psychological holds on your whole person.  It also means it has been the number one way to cope and deal with everyday life and until your newly acquired skills are fully developed, you will sometimes want to resort back to what feels best.  But remember, just because you WANT to resort back and want to use, does not mean you HAVE TO use.

This idea or line of thinking that I am describing goes for so much more than just addiction.  In our society, we hold addiction to an unintelligently different standard of expectations for change.  Most people take a while to change behaviors/states such as anger, upset, smoking, eating, exercise, depression, anxiety, workaholism, sex, etc.  These same people relapse MANY TIMES!!  But for some reason people with substance abuse problems should get over them more quickly than everyone else who has unwanted, unhealthy behavior.  Interesting, huh?

Here at Crossroads we encourage clients to discuss both sides of their ambivalence: the side that wants to quit and the side that isn’t quite on board yet, or sometimes the side that really enjoys using and doesn’t want to stop.  Carl Jung (famous Depth psychologist) talks about a concept called Shadow which holds aspects of ourselves we suppress away that we don’t want to see or express.  Eventually, our shadow finds ways to be seen.  It is easier to reflect on the unwanted parts of us and get to know them.  Sometimes they will teach us things that no other part of ourselves could teach.  It is like the saying, “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t,” which illustrates the idea that you can do something about your shadow side of cravings and urges if you know them and explore them.  If you hide them and push them away they will find weird ways out that do not reach your conscious mind.  Basically you won’t know what you are up against.

My thoughts are you might as well talk about what you feel/experience because you are already feeling/experiencing it. Don’t be afraid to explore all parts of you because they all lead to healing.  Just because we have thoughts that scare us doesn’t mean those thoughts are who we are.  Those of you early in recovery or even long time in recovery, allow those thoughts to come to the surface and find a safe person to share them with.  Find a way to give them voice so that voice becomes less powerful. Do not feel like a failure, or that you won’t succeed in treatment or recovery because you have urges, thoughts, feelings, even yearnings about your using life.  You are always up against the choice of how you want to live your life and the more choices you make in one direction the more ingrained that way of life becomes.  It can always be changed.  So let yourself be open to the exploration process of all parts of you and there will be less shame.  Put it all on the table so you know what you are working with and you’ll be further along than if you didn’t.

Post written by: Jason McCarty, Outpatient Therapist

One of Crossroads employees, Monica Kraft, is getting her Masters of Social Work degree right now. She is currently in her practicum and researching some interesting things around mindfulness and addiction. One of these ideas is a process called urge-surfing. I hope she writes a longer more in depth article for the blog as I will not do it justice here. Urge-surfing is the process of allowing a craving or an urge to use to be fully felt without doing anything – without distracting yourself, without going and using. If we look at cravings as merely body sensations, the mind can also interpret them as just that. We do not need to make decisions or engage in behaviors just because we feel a certain way or have an urge to move. This is not an easy concept to embrace but it can be revolutionary for some that struggle with substance abuse;  you are no longer fighting with yourself by trying to “get rid of” your craving. Instead you ride it out like a wave and observe that experience like a surfer, until is subsides. This will create new learning for your whole body as well as your brain.

The reason I bring this up is the other day I was holding my son and had a very annoying itch in my ear that I desperately wanted to scratch. I couldn’t scratch it because I was trying to get him to sleep so as you can imagine, the itch became more intense. It made me think of addiction and urge-surfing right in that moment so I tried it. Instead of wanting it to go away or scratching it, I just felt it, observed it, and allowed it to be there with no action. Don’t get me wrong, it was partially driving me crazy and it felt like a bug was tickling my ear, but also just observing this as what it was allowed me to ride it out. I can’t actually recall if it went away totally but it certainly lessened from when it first began to itch.

The experience I had with my itchy ear helped me to better understand the internal process of addiction. I don’t mean to demean or lessen the intensity of addiction by comparing it to my itchy ear (smile) but in many ways it is similar. Ultimately, cravings are an experience in the mind/body. Addiction is also an experience. It’s not a disease in your body that forces you to use like a robot. It is something experiential. Therefore, in many ways, experiential approaches to overcoming cravings and addiction will be quite beneficial to a substance abuser. One may need to have some clean time under their belt to be able to withstand the urge-surfing, but it can eventually be a useful tool.

So is addiction one huge itch? No. Cravings are one big itch and addiction is the constant scratching. Just because any of us feel something compelling doesn’t mean we have to act and often times, if we wait it out, it goes away or subsides to a tolerable level. I would encourage you to start trying urge-surfing with things like an itch in your body, or a desire for a coffee or sweets, or a negative emotion. Instead of “doing something”, just feel it, let it wash over you, and know it’s only a sensation.

Post written by: Jason McCarty, Outpatient therapist